Is someone close to you dying young?

I can feel the deep wells of grief around the loss of a young one. This vast sorrow for those left behind after a young person leaves us. It can feel like the heart breaks so hard, it can never mend. It will never heal. This feeling of a deep loss will never go away.

Sometimes dying young is also called dying in your prime. When people die, who are still full of life. Full of creativity. Full of plans. People in the fullness of their lives. Still so much to give. So much to share. So much to live. Even though they might be 50 years old.

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It might provide a light at the end of a very dark tunnel. Reading about those who have gone on living afterward.

It might also lighten the load to share our very own story. With others in a similar situation. With others in grief. About those dying young.

Dave Marston's Story

Dave played the guitar and obviously enjoyed himself. His zest for the songs he played and sang carried all of us. It was sheer fun.

Over the years I found out that Dave actually had many more talents besides his love for the Beatles: over his long musical career, he was music director for the Oregon Shakespeare Festival and led the Siskiyou Singers, the Beatles cover band The Nowhere Men, The Ancient Men, the Rogue Valley Peace Choir, the Children's Peace Choir and choirs at Methodist, Congregational and Havurah houses of worship in Ashland.

Here was a man in his prime, who was obviously loving what he was doing while sharing his talents with the local community. Again a feeling of sheer fun.

Through the local rumor mill I heard in May that he was not doing well. He was mysteriously loosing strength. He had to be helped onto his podium by three people to direct his spring choir performance. I heard that he went to San Francisco to find out what was ailing his body.

Dave had a rare and incurable degenerative brain ailment known as Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease. The disease brings on Alzheimer's-like symptoms and a rapid decline in cognitive and motor function. It claims its victims within four to nine months.

What?

Dave dying of a rare disease? One that is likely to kill him within a few months? This energetic, alive, positive, creative man dying so soon?

Within a month his body was declining rapidly.

Hospice came on board to provide their services. Caregivers were brought in to help with the tasks of keeping Dave's body comfortable (I was one of them for a short time). Food was cooked and delivered every day. Someone cleaned his apartment once a week. Every night a group of different singers would come and sing for Dave.

On the evening of June 22 Dave died. Only a day after two days of benefit concerts featuring many of the groups that Dave led or performed in plus many others. To help pay for the medical costs incurred and support Dave's family left behind.

Why did he die in his prime?

Who is in charge here and responsible for this mess?

What is this really about?

Questions. Uncomfortable questions.

No easy answers.

Willo's Story

Someone had told me that Willo had just been diagnosed with bone marrow cancer. While I was watching her nurse, I was wondering what she might be feeling and thinking. About dying young. So young.

At that time in my life, death and dying were still completely foreign territories for me. So I did not speak up out of my own discomfort with the subject. I just watched her with her baby girl.

Over the next three years I kept hearing about Willo's journey with her cancer through my good friend Sarah, as Willo and her baby had moved into Sarah's empty trailer.

I heard stories of daily visits in the hospital to help Willo pump her breast for breast milk, and then to take the milk home to bottle feed Sequoia.

I heard of the amazing amount of support that our community here provided, when Willo got weaker. So many healers, massage therapists, therapists, baby sitters, and other individuals offered their services for free to this person who was dying young. I was indirectly part of it by being on the email list that kept everyone involved abreast of any changes.

I heard of repeated trips to Portland to undergo various medical procedures. There was even a support group for those that needed to share and vent their feelings around Willo's illness.

I heard of Willo loosing one eye to the cancer and of her wearing a black eye patch.

But all to no avail. Willo was dying. It was a matter of weeks.

And then one evening Sarah called me while driving up from California. She had just received a call that Willo's death was very close, most likely that night. Would I be willing to send out an email to the email list alerting her support group?

I did it with an eerie feeling. I was sitting on my computer. I was having dinner and going to sleep. Knowing that Willo was dying. Dying so young. Dying young.

Willo did die that night surrounded by her parents, her close friends, and her daughter Sequoia. Next morning Sequoia said: "Her body is in my body now."

If you want to read the story of one of Willo's friends, click here. And to see a few beautiful pictures of Willo after her death, click here.

Cat Stevens' Song: Oh Very Young

Click here for the complete lyrics to Oh Very Young

Do you have a story about loosing a young one to death? Do you have a story about their dying? Are you ready to tell it? This is the place to share it...

Stories by Other Visitors about Young Ones Dying

Click below to see stories from other visitors to this page about loved ones dying...

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