Are you in fear of dying?

Let's start with a quick survey about this particular fear. Just six short questions to explore what we really are afraid of plus the results of your answers.

survey tool

Did you find yourself in good company?

Most of us are afraid of dying at some point in our lives. When we get older. When we start facing our own death. When we get closer to our own dying.

When things change faster than we feel comfortable with. When our bodies are tired. When life gets difficult.

There are many reasons to feel afraid of death. Afraid of dying. All of them are good reasons. Below are a few of them:

I am available as an inspirational speaker about all aspects of death including the luminous side of dying for both US and international events. Click here to find out more about my talks and click here to contact me.

I feel afraid of loved ones dying

We watched them grow up. We watched them grow older. We shared life for so long. We have gotten so used to their presence.

And all of a sudden their time is up. They leave us. They are gone. They have died.

It feels like our hearts are breaking. And go on breaking. We don't know how to go on without them. We cry for days. We cry for weeks. We cry for months. We miss them so much.

Click here to read more about Loved Ones Dying.

I feel afraid of dying in pain

Sometimes the pain has to do with our bodies slowly shutting down. One organ after another. It feels uncomfortable. It does not feel good. It can be called terminal agitation.

Sometimes we leave a life unfinished. Words not said. Feelings not felt. Affairs not in order. It can be called spiritual pain. That kind of pain can go deep. Bone marrow deep. Broken heart deep. Lifelong regrets deep.

There is help available. For all kinds of pain. Hospice services with their skilled nurses, trained social workers and excellent pain management options are an option.

Click here for more information on what hospice provides and how to access their services.

I feel afraid because I don't know anything about dying

We don't know death anymore. We don't know dying anymore.

We don't die in our homes anymore. We send our dying into sterile and impersonal hospital rooms or nursing homes. We put them out of sight.

We hand over the care for our loved ones to strangers called doctors, administrators, care givers and nurses. They are strangers, no matter how loving they are.

Our doctors are not paid well to help us die. They are paid well to solve the riddles. The medical riddles our bodies keep coming up with. They are paid to keep us alive. No matter what costs. No matter how much the procedures hurt.

We don't have Grandma slowly age and die in our living room anymore. We do not learn to make friends with her dying. With our dying.

Dying is not part of our lives anymore. We have fear of dying instead. Fear of the Unknown. It is natural. As members of the human family we tend to feel afraid of things we don't know. One of them is fear of dying.

These pages can help. Help you know more about dying. Help you have less fear of dying. Help you make friends with death.

Click here to read more about what happens when we die. I have created a series of pages to discover more about death and dying in a gentle way.

And maybe even help you live more.

I feel afraid of dying alone

It feels so much easier to face the last step with a loved one holding our hands. Rubbing our feet. Sharing a prayer. A thank you. A last good bye. A smile. A kiss.

Dying also gets hard when our God is an angry God. When our God believes in hell. When we have lost the easy God of our childhood. Only remember the punishing God of our childhood. When we have not found another God.

Like the Great Spirit. Like the Source of All. Like Nature. Like the Goddess.

A God in our hearts. A gentle God. A God that always loves us. A God that is always with us. No matter what.

That kind of God is helpful in feeling less alone. In feeling less fear of dying. In trusting that all will be well.

Even when our bodies die. Even when we close our eyes for the last time. Even when we take our last breath.

Click here to find out what most religions have to say about dying.

A Matter of Perspective

Especially fear of dying.

Something that has us in its grips so strongly often does not go away easily. One way to address fear is to see it in a different light. Below are a few options:

False Evidence Appearing real

Most fears have more to do with our thoughts than with any reality. FEAR can be read as an acronym for "False Evidence Appearing Real".

I have caught myself so often (so often it isn't really funny anymore) being afraid of something really strongly. And then it turned out to be nothing... Oh well.

The Fear-Excitement Coin

Fear can also be the flip side of excitement. When we take a ride on a roller coaster in an amusement park, this can get very obvious. We can either be afraid of riding and stop breathing (as I do...). Or feel totally excited at the speed and scream and roll with the curves (as my kids do).

Fear and excitement create the same sensations in our bodies. They are just interpreted as two different things, and thus have two different reactions. In fear we contract and stop breathing, and in excitement we expand and scream.

Fear as a Pointer

Fears can also be seen as pointers. As something pointing towards a thought or a feeling which could use some closer examination. Something we are not necessarily aware of. Something hiding underneath the surface. Kind of lurking.

And that something could be covering up a treasure. An important insight. A precious feeling. The next step.

One of my sisters many years ago gave me the following sentence as a gift:

An Invitation

To feel less fear of dying. To feel more joy in living.

I invite you to check out its many pages. Let the poems at the bottom of nearly every page inspire you. Let the quotations show you what wise ones have said about death and dying. And may the prayers from a variety of religions inspire you to go deeper.

Leave your heartfelt comments. Share your untold stories. Let yourself be touched. Touch others. Come back as often as you like.

Return from Fear of Dying to A Good Dying Home